We talked about what turns us on, our preference when watching porn, and even spoke about a threesome. It was a random date night conversation over a few drinks and laughs that opened a new view of our sexual desires, intimacy and trust in one another.
The conversation was fun, liberating and exciting. Almost as good as having sex, which led to having sex.
This is how honest sexual communication should be between couples, with both partners benefiting.
People often don't voice their sexual desires. Maybe wanting to try a sex toy, a position, a fantasy or a kink. But it's finding that voice first, to be able to turn on the conversation.
Here are our tips on how to start sharing your sexual desires with your partner.
Pick the right place and time.
For us, it was a dimmed bar in a private booth area.
It would be easier to have the conversation inside the bedroom before or after sex - but it's better to have the conversation in a neutral space, where you won't be interrupted.
It's an important and intimate conversation you want to have with a clear mind and full attention.
Have a conversation starter.
If you're struggling to introduce the topic, use a conversation starter. Maybe a tv show related to your point. Show it to your partner and ask for their opinion. It's important to build up the conversation.
If you want to try a specific sex toy, look through our Lushious Play toys together and let your partner know your preference or curiosities. If you see a position you want to try, ask them if they would try it.
Take an interest in your partner's interests as well; be receptive to their opinions and suggestions.
Be positive.
Avoid using expressions like "I don't like when you do...]" or saying "you never do [whatever it is].
This kind of language will make your partner feel sexually incompetent. You will hurt their feelings, and the conversation will not end well.
Instead, compliment what you like them doing to you, and get them to share what they like you doing.
This can open the conversation for you to ask if there is anything they may want to try, and in return, they will likely ask you the same - allowing you to share some of your desires.
Be direct
When you're conversing about what you want to try, your preferences or curiosities - be direct about what it is you want. Your partner can't read your mind. So if there is a particular sex toy you want to try, tell them which one it is.
Use this as an opportunity for any ground rules or boundaries you may have too.
We discussed a threesome and how we wanted this to occur (MFF), outlining rules around touch so both of us were comfortable with what was happening between all parties. We haven't had a threesome yet - but it was great to have the conversation and understand each other's boundaries to ensure each of us felt comfortable and would be happy.
Now we know life doesn't always go to plan - and this conversation could have that reaction. So if you find the conversation awkward or tense, save it for another day. If your partner reacts negatively to something you have shared, give your partner a few days to think about things.
They could be having an off day, or you might have caught them off guard.
At the end of the day, you should both feel comfortable and excited.
If, for any reason, the conversation really isn't going the way you'd hoped - take matters into your own hands' babes and release your sexual tension with Lushious Play toys.
We're always here to help you through self-love and self-empowerment.